What Is Depression? Signs, Symptoms, and What It Feels Like
Written by Rachel Pham, RCC - Registered Clinical Counsellor (BCACC) · 15 min read
You might not call it depression. You might call it exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix, or not being yourself lately, or going through the motions. Getting up, going to work, doing what needs doing, and feeling almost nothing about any of it.
Depression doesn't always look the way people imagine. It doesn't require a crisis or a breaking point or an obvious reason. Sometimes it looks like a person who seems to be managing fine. Sometimes it looks like someone who has stopped wanting things, without being able to explain why.
If you've been wondering whether what you're feeling has a name, this is for you.
What Depression Actually Feels Like
Depression is the slowness that comes over everything. It's the way a task that used to take ten minutes now takes an hour of internal negotiation. It's a heaviness in the body that isn't quite tiredness but feels like it. It's getting through the day and feeling like you ran a marathon without going anywhere.
For some people, depression feels like sadness. For many others, it feels more like flatness. Like someone turned the volume down on everything: on pleasure, on curiosity, on connection. The things that used to pull you forward no longer do. Not because you stopped caring on purpose. Just because they stopped working that way.
A good meal doesn't land the way it used to. A show you were looking forward to is just something that plays. A conversation with someone you care about leaves you feeling more tired, not less.
Signs of Depression in the Body
Depression has a physical dimension that is often missed or explained away. It isn't only in your mood or your thoughts. It lives in the body.
Some of the ways depression shows up physically:
Exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest, sleep, or a quiet weekend
A sense of depletion before the day has started, regardless of how long you slept
A physical slowness, where ordinary tasks take longer and require more than they used to
A heaviness in the chest or limbs that is hard to describe but easy to feel
Changes in appetite: eating more, eating less, or losing the sense of hunger and fullness entirely
Unexplained physical symptoms: persistent headaches, digestive discomfort, tension that settles in the shoulders and jaw
A reduced capacity to feel physical pleasure or relief
These are real symptoms of depression, not side effects of it.
Signs of Depression in Your Thoughts
Depression shapes thinking in ways that feel very convincing, because they come from inside. The thoughts don't feel like symptoms. They feel like facts.
Some of the ways depression shows up in thought:
A persistent inner critic that comments on almost everything you do, and doesn't stop when things go well
A pervasive sense of worthlessness or failure that doesn't shift when circumstances change
Difficulty concentrating, following through, or making decisions that used to feel straightforward
Memory that feels foggy or less reliable than it used to be
Thoughts that keep returning to regret, loss, or past events without an obvious trigger
A narrowing sense of the future, where improvement feels unlikely or distant
In some cases, depression brings thoughts of death, dying, or not wanting to be here. If this is part of your experience, please reach out to the BC Crisis Line at 1-800-784-2433 or call 9-1-1.
If any of this has felt familiar, it might be worth talking to someone. Depression doesn't require a crisis or a threshold of suffering before it deserves attention.
At Pham Therapy, I work with people navigating depression in Vancouver and online across British Columbia. The work is collaborative, unhurried, and shaped around your specific experience.
I invite you to book a free consultation to learn more about the process, and to see if this feels like the right fit for you.
Signs of Depression in How You Move Through the Day
One of the most consistent signs of depression is a change in how everyday life feels and functions. Often it looks like small things getting harder.
Getting out of bed takes longer than it used to, and not because you're tired
Answering a message takes an hour of intention you're not sure you have
Cancelling plans at the last minute without a clear reason you can give
Going through previously restoring activities as though they're obligations
Showing up at work or in relationships as a performance that leaves you more depleted
Noticing a growing distance between what you're doing and how present you feel in it
Depression often creates a gap between the life happening around you and your ability to actually be in it. Many people describe it as watching themselves from a slight remove, going through the motions of a life that doesn't quite feel like theirs.
When Depression Doesn't Look Like Sadness
Many people don't recognize depression in themselves because they don't feel sad in the way they expected. Depression frequently looks like:
Numbness. Not pain, but the absence of feeling. Nothing moves you the way it used to. You watch things you used to care about with a kind of distance. If this resonates, emotional numbness and depression is worth reading more about.
Irritability. A shorter fuse, a feeling of being constantly on edge, low tolerance for things that didn't used to bother you. Depression doesn't always present as quiet. Sometimes it comes out as friction.
Emptiness. A flatness that's hard to name and harder to explain to other people. Not sad. Just not much of anything.
Quiet resignation. Not dramatic despair, but a low-level sense that this is just how things are. That improvement is unlikely. That it doesn't matter much either way.
If any of this sounds familiar, it's worth exploring further. The absence of obvious sadness doesn't make the experience less real or less deserving of attention.
Depression That Hides Behind Functioning
Some people with depression continue to meet their responsibilities: going to work, maintaining relationships, keeping up with the practical demands of daily life. From the outside, they seem fine. From the inside, the experience is something different entirely.
This is sometimes called high-functioning depression, and it can be particularly difficult to name because functioning becomes evidence against the experience. "I can't be depressed. I got up and went to work." "Other people have it much worse." The gap between what's visible and what's actually happening can make it deeply isolating.
If this sounds familiar, high-functioning depression has its own texture and its own shape, and it's worth understanding on those terms.
Depression and Other Experiences
Depression rarely exists in isolation. It frequently appears alongside anxiety, which creates a particular combination: exhausted but unable to rest, withdrawn but unable to quiet the worry. If you're living with both, depression and anxiety together often needs its own attention.
Depression also shapes relationships in specific ways. The withdrawal, the reduced capacity, the difficulty being present: these affect the people around you, and the effect on connection can compound the depression itself. Depression and relationships is part of this picture.
For some people, depression connects to longer patterns: early experiences, family history, intergenerational dynamics that show up in how they relate to themselves and others. Understanding that layer is often part of the depression work.
How Therapy Can Help With Depression
Depression therapy isn't a fixed programme you work through step by step. It's a collaborative process shaped around your specific experience: your history, your patterns, and what makes things heavier or lighter for you in particular.
Working with a therapist for depression can support you in:
Building awareness of the thought patterns and experiences that contribute to how you feel, without pressure to immediately change them
Learning to relate differently to the inner critic that depression amplifies
Understanding the physical dimension of depression and working with the body alongside the mind
Exploring what may have contributed to depression, including early experiences and long-term relational patterns
Developing practical tools for navigating harder periods
Therapy doesn't push you toward a particular outcome or pace. It begins where you are.
If you're in Vancouver or anywhere in British Columbia, depression therapy at Pham Therapy is available in person and online.
Frequently Asked Questions About Depression
How do I know if what I'm feeling is depression or just stress?
Stress tends to have a source and a sense of movement. Depression often feels more global and more static. It affects mood, body, motivation, and connection in ways that don't lift when the stressor resolves. If things have felt heavy for more than a couple of weeks across multiple areas of your life, it's worth speaking with someone.
Can you have depression without feeling sad?
Yes. Many people with depression describe numbness, flatness, emptiness, or irritability rather than obvious sadness. The absence of sadness doesn't mean the experience is less serious.
What are the signs of depression in adults that are easy to miss?
Physical exhaustion that doesn't respond to rest, difficulty concentrating, gradual withdrawal from people, a loss of interest in things that used to matter, and a quiet sense of resignation that becomes background noise. These develop gradually and are often mistaken for personality or circumstance rather than depression.
Is it possible to have depression and still function?
Yes. Many people living with depression continue to work, maintain relationships, and manage their responsibilities. Functioning doesn't mean you're fine, and it doesn't mean support isn't worth reaching for.
Does depression go away on its own?
Some episodes lift without intervention. Others persist or deepen without support. There's no reliable way to predict which path a given episode will take, and reaching out earlier rather than later tends to make the process less prolonged.
What's the difference between depression and grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It tends to come in waves, often tied to reminders of what was lost, and it includes periods of warmth and connection alongside the pain. Depression is more pervasive and less connected to a specific cause. The two can coexist, and loss can sometimes trigger or deepen depression.
About the author
Rachel Pham, RCC is a Vietnamese-Canadian Registered Clinical Counsellor and the founder of Pham Therapy in Vancouver, offering trauma-informed, culturally responsive therapy in person and online across BC. She draws on ACT, /DBT-informed, somatic, IFS, and attachment-based approaches, and brings both clinical training and lived understanding to her work. Her registration can be verified with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors.
Disclaimer: This content is for general information only and does not constitute medical or psychological advice or replace care from a qualified professional.
